Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
