When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
