would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
