If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm like, not good at living.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
