I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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