Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
