i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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