Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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