you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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