I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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