I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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