My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
