Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
