haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
