Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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