I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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