Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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