Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't notice because vodka
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
