Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
