I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
