So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
