nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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