she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
