someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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