Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
