You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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