it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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