I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
