I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
