I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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