im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
