Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
