At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
