dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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