I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
