you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Will exercising make me less horny?
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