So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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