the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
