every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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