I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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