Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
