I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
