First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
