We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
