Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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