When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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