I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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