She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
