At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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