i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
